its been 3 days

I started the valium taper on monday and figured I’d document the detox from my other benzo’s. The first night was horrid, the valium helped, don’t get me wrong but I didn’t fall asleep until about 5:30 in the morning. I have realized that I have to re-learn how to fall asleep naturally. I am so use to taking something and 15 min later…out like a light. It was tough but I made it. Yesterday I had a much easier day but as night time came so did the anxiety and I found myself in this constant pattern of thinking. ‘oh man, I feel rough, I need to take a benzo. NO no you are fine just wait until your next dose of valium. But I’m so scared I’ll have a panic attack. You can do it just calm down…”  This went on for well over 6 hours until It was time to take my dose and I fell asleep. I guess the sleep deprivation from the night before helped because I slept hard last night and woke up well rested and incredibly proud of myself for making it through with out taking any of my benzo’s. Today has followed almost the same pattern. I had therapy this morning at 10. My shrink is in a new office. I like it, it’s much brighter, cleaner, overall a better choice. It was good to get in there and unload. I hadn’t been in 3 weeks since I was out of town. I have remained fairly preoccupied this evening so I wouldn’t have the same focus on my anxiety. I went for a 45 min brisk walk through the park and have been catching up on a tv series I really enjoy called Face Off. When the anxiety got really bad I took a benadryll. So far so good. Now it is almost bed time, I am so weary, and ready to make it another day. I think I just might be able to pull this off *knocks on wood*. 

L

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